Thursday, August 20, 2009

When tears fall

This parenting thing is amazing. Some days I am better at it than others, and most days I love seeing those sleepy eyes and snuggling into that still warm neck in the early morning.

My oldest has always been a morning person. She wakes up happy. Long ago we kept a stack of books in her crib so when she woke up she could sit and there and spend some time just being. I loved to listen to her little sounds as she just loved being awake. There was no urgency to get the ball rolling, just being was enough for her. Things have not changed much. She is still passionate about the day. She can get lost in a book and sit for hours being amongst the characters. She likes to be first, not because of some deep-seeded sin of selfishness, but because of her zest for what is ahead. The excitement of it all. I love that about her. Whether it is something she found in the parking lot, or a trinket from a gumball machine, she is in - hook, line, and sinker.

She has always been sensitive too. When only ten days old, the bark of a dog startled her to guttural screams. Her uncles have been known to leave her in tears too, but all in the name of humor.

She has questioned love a number of times wondering about my loving her Dad, Jesus and even she and her sister. I think she was concerned there would be enough love to go around. Words hurt her like they do the rest of us, but a glare or a mean look can send her into despair.

She deeply feels things and last night just the idea of not being invited to a dear friend's birthday party made the eyes well with tears and then they fell. My heart broke when she shared her feelings about being misunderstood. She sees her weaknesses. She knows her faults. Like the rest of us, she desires to be better and counts on being forgiven. Yet, she just could not get past owing for a debt that was not hers. I could see the root of bitterness budding, because of a perception of guilt.

Whew, and then came the light bulb....then came the real tears. Both of ours.

That is what Jesus did for us. He paid for a debt He did not owe. He was held accountable for something he did not do. Just like a misunderstanding between two friends, yet one holds onto "justice" and the other seeks "mercy". There was not a great feeling of fluffy love, but there was an understanding of undeserved forgiveness.

I cherish these life lessons my child helps me learn and see.

1 comment:

The Cannon Chronicles said...

Wow, how special! What a life lesson to learn and how amazing that she graspes it and you get to share it with her.